I told my mom I am a sex worker. It went something like this:
(scene) Eating sushi downtown on a Tuesday night
Me: I got the check
Mom: No, honey, you aren’t working right now…
Me: Actually, I am.
Mom: (long silence) Are you doing THAT again?
Me: Yeah.
Another long silence
Mom: I am worried about your safety.
Me: Don’t Mom. My clients aren’t crackheads or misogynists. Some own multi-million dollar corporations and serve on the boards of museums and the symphony.
Mom: Oh. (heads to the bathroom for like, ten minutes)
Half hour later, some idle gossip about family members at Starbucks, and then left field….
Mom: Is what you do illegal?
Me: Only if I don’t pay taxes.
Mom: I just love this mocha latte. (sip)
Ten minutes later after talk of Christmas plans….
Mom: I better get a top notch nursing home.
Me: Sure, mom, you will.
Mom: Let’s go shopping.
Me: Let’s.
So there you have it folks. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!
Filed under: Family, Feminism, Sex in the Public Square |
Bound, Not Gagged 
Yeah, coming out is not the big, dramatic, horrible, terrifying deal everyone thinks it is. It’s tough, but once done is done. Everything is easier after that moment.
Sex work does not have to be about drama. (Means I’m breaking the cardinal rule of blogging.)
XX
I never post without using my whole and real name but this time I am writing about other people. The other people I am writing about are my children, who happen to be the children of a former sex worker. I am turning this around a bit,
What if Mom was a sex worker…
When my oldest daughter turned 16 she told me she was a lesbian and she had no problem with the worries of coming out to her Mom. Mom was a sex worker. I understand that coming out to straight parents is a traumatic deal. Not in my house.
My middle daughter, who is now 20 is into BDSM. She tells me all her experimantations with her sexuality. I totally support her and love to hear her adventures, knowing that she can tell me anything.
My baby girl has her own thing going. She has a steady boyfriend for over a year. Maybe they will get married and have babies. It certainly seems that is her road.
My children are sexually free because their Mom was a sex worker. They grew up steeped in alternative life style and because of that were not afraid to be who they really are.
Just my sort of oposite ode to the Mom story.
I am loving the stories of coming out to mom! It is such a scary moment but looking back often surprisingly humorous. My decision to move into sex work was with eyes wide open and I have never regretted it but the idea of telling my parents kept me awake for nights. In the end I decided that it was better that it came from me than some stranger and I just could not deal with the stress of keeping separate lives and stories straight with those most important to me.
But then a funny thing happened…I was helping my mother with the dishes on a trip back home and decided this was it. I told her two important things. The first was that I had started dating a man after having just come out of a long-term relationship with a woman. the second was that I had started working for an escort agency and as a professional dominant.
My mother took it in, looked at me perplexed and said “oh but I just finished telling everyone that you were gay!”
Actually it was more scary telling my father, a rather righteously opinionated fellow, but even he surprised me. Another sibling thought my private life was so interesting that he should tell an aunt and uncle (I had not expected my news to go beyond my immediate family). When I heard about this I called my father and let him know that the “cat was out of the bag” and apologised to him for any problems or embarrassment this might cause them. My father reassured me saying that “if anyone in his family had a negative comment to make then they could just go f*** themselves”.
I know that my choices in life are confusing and not always easy to take for my parents. They never expected this and they worry. But I do know that they are proud of me and the things that I have achieved over the years and they trust that I am making the decisions that are best for me. It is this trust that has made it easier for me to be a confident activist for sexworker rights.
Some years ago I relocated far from my family. One Christmas I let my mother know that I did not think I could afford to fly home for the holidays. Once again my mother surpassed herself saying “why don’t you just spank a few more people and then come home.”
To my parents and all the moms and dads everywhere who put love and trust above ego and fear about ‘what other people think’. Thank you