Sex is Degrading

That’s the only conclusion I can draw to explain the constant hysteria over prostitution.

What is degradation?

In this feminist debate, the idea of degradation seems to rest on the assumption that a woman is degraded when she loses her “value.” I explain, keep reading.

All women in prostitution are degraded

The base argument seems to be that having sex with lots of men is degrading. (This is true even without money involved.) And having lots of sex with one man for your entire life somehow isn’t degrading – even if you’re completely miserable in the marriage and only hope he soon dies of a heart attack to free you from the holy bonds of matrimony.

I digress. The core assumption seems to be that having sex with lots of men for money is degrading for the woman involved in the equation.

Why?

Why is sex degrading only for women? Why is it not degrading for the man involved? Why does a woman have to lose something every time she has sex? Why can it not be an equal exchange? How can the act of “becoming one” be so two-sided? And why aren’t men coming forth en masse to say whether or not they believe prostitutes are degraded?

The answer, to me, seems to lie in the old chastity thing. Women are only worth the value of their pure womb. (Notice how this belief still requires a value to be put on a woman?) And men are beasts ruled by their hormones, incapable of higher thought or feeling.

I feel I’m a hell of a lot more than an incubator. I don’t know why feminists embrace the idea that women are devalued (degraded) when they have sex. That idea was created a very long time ago by men for the benefit of men and is outmoded today. The people espousing this philosophy come very close to suggesting all women need to go around covered head to toe to avoid arousing male lust, which magically seems to degrade women within a certain radius.

The double-standard

The inherent degradation of women who have sex puzzled me from a young age. In high school, when the school “studs” were being worshipped, I always wondered why the girls they had sex with were reviled. I mean, how can an act that requires two people (unless the boys were making things up) leave one covered in glory and the other covered in shame? Or what about the logic of the fathers of teenage boys? They want their sons to have “experience” but their daughters had damn well better stay pure? What about the mythical girl that these boys were supposed to have sex with? Wasn’t she someone’s daughter too?

Today’s feminists rail against prostitution. They reduce women to their orifices and make judgments based on sexual activity – the exact same crime they accuse all men of doing to them. I fail to see the difference. One person who bases my value as a woman on my baby-making abilities and purity is pretty much the same as any other person who does – regardless of gender.

Women as receptacles

Nor do I like this oft-repeated perception of prostitution: men use women like a toilet to relieve their needs. So a man’s orgasm, his pleasure, is just a nasty thing to be gotten rid of, like a germ or bodily waste? Yet often these are the same people who’ll turn around and crow about the sanctity of life (like in the abortion debate). So I’m confused, is a man’s sperm a filthy contaminant needing frequent release? Or is it part of the great miracle of life, without which sacred bouncing babies can’t be born?

All prostitutes just lie there and think of England. God knows a woman cannot actively make choices in her own sexual activity, nor does she take any pleasure in it. Once someone pays her, all thoughts just go out of her tiny little brain (smaller than a man’s or a feminist’s brain, of course) and she becomes a vegetable-like victim, coming to life only when she’s been “rescued.” As long as she accepts money for her femininity, anything she says cannot be taken seriously. It’s common knowledge that she doesn’t know her own mind in a situation like that.

Sounds pretty Victorian, doesn’t it? Maybe with a little tinge of the arguments used to promote slavery?

Perceptions and the Media

Ultimately, I guess I’m just sick of these ideas in the media. They’re getting so much attention. Other voices are not being heard. (Yeah, I’d like mine to be heard, but I don’t have Melissa Farley’s publicist). There are very real issues that need to be solved. They’re not getting solved. Money goes in the pockets of “researchers” who are “experts” in a field they’ve never worked in. Lots of men (who would never admit to “paying for it”) weigh in. And the buyers and sellers and arresters keep doing their thing. Nothing changes, nothing is solved.

The problem is that perception gets changed. Well, maybe not changed. Entrenched. The public becomes ever more firmly convinced that prostitutes (and by extension, any sexual woman) aren’t real humans at all. Victim-prostitutes are many things, but not fully-functional and aware adults. This doesn’t help solve any real problems. It creates problems.

There are a series of unsolved prostitute murders in Winnipeg and Massachusetts right now. Anyone want to bet how long they’ll remain unsolved? I mean, the prostitutes who died were just meant to be victims anyway, why does it matter that their miserable lives were violently shortened?

Amanda Brooks

46 Responses

  1. Sex is not degrading. Sex is fun. Sex is great. Sex is awesome.

    Selling sex is degrading. One person telling another person exactly how to service them sexually just because the paid for it…that is degrading.

  2. Amanda, I love this piece. Love it, love it, love it!

    Josie: Why, because you think so? What if, oh, several of the women around here who sell sex say otherwise…does their take on the matter have any weight at all, or no, because you disagree?

  3. Eating at a nice restaurant is not degrading. Eating at a nice restaurant is fun. Eating at a nice restaurant is great. Eating at a nice restaurant is awesome.

    Selling food at a nice restaurant is degrading. One person telling another person exactly how to cook and present their food just because they paid for it … that is degrading.

  4. Jeez Daddy Mention. There is a big difference between being served a salad and being served a human being.

  5. Excellent piece, Amanda. I totally agree with the points you made- in particular how the anti crowd perpetuate victorian attitudes towards women and how the “experts” who speak on our behalf have no prostitution experience themselves.

    I’d also like to comment on Josie’s response, if I may. It seems to be a general misconception that sex workers have to do whatever their clients want. In reality, sex workers have the final say in what they will or won’t do and how it is done. For example, most non-transgendered sex workers do not offer anal sex to their clientelle. Some will do it, but it comes at a high cost. Some really enjoy it, and will gladly include it in the evening’s entertainment.

    I belong in the latter category, and I’ve had clients who weren’t particularly interested in it oblige me just to please me. In fact I’ve found that more often than not, my pleasure was of equal importance (if only because it pleased them) and I could dictate how the session went according to my own wishes.

    But I’ve had many men tell me that they’ve paid an escort an extra $100 for rear access, only to have her ask him to stop almost immediately, without offering to refund the money later. I’d say it is far more common for men to pay a lot of money for something that wasn’t delivered than it is for them to take what they want without permission (thank goodness!) The ugly accusations being made against them as a group are undeserved.

    When clients do force an act on one of us against our will, it is rape, and it is no more a part of our job than date rape is a part of courtship. Until we can report such attacks to the authorities without fear of incrimination, it will continue to be a problem.

  6. I was referencing the labor of the server and chef – not the salad. My point is that the perception of degradation is a relative phenomenon. Neither of us is talking about fucking salads.

  7. Let’s not confuse sex with prostitution. Prostitution is no more sex than rape is sex or child molestation is sex.

  8. As a feminist, I deeply value my right to define sex for myself, and take seriously my responsibility to allow other women to define sex for themselves. Whether those definitions include financial exchange is irrelevant, whether an individual is making a conscious and informed decision is far more important. It’s dangerous to so strictly define what is or is not sex.

  9. If it weren’t for the financial arrangement, we wouldn’t be talking about this at all. I don’t care what kind of sex you like or who you have sex with.

    When you go into business selling human beings, society is going to pay attention to that. There is a long-standing aversion to the idea of buying and selling people. And pimping especially is a troublesome business because the people involved in working for pimps tend to me more vulnerable people.

    So yeah, define your sex any way you want. But if you intend to sell it, there’s going to be a debate and you probably will lose that debate.

  10. “Buying and selling humans” is not the same as making your own sexual choices. I realize that using sensational language makes your argument feel more urgent, but it really doesn’t do anything to advance women’s rights.

  11. I object to all buying and selling of humans against their will.

    I do not object to the buying or selling of services between consensual human beings.

  12. Really, they’re two entirely different things!

  13. Ren and Stephanie,

    Thank you!🙂

    Josie,

    I never sold myself. I’m still here — all in one piece. I sold my time and attention, which I feel are a valuable, yet intangible part of my humanity. (Granted, my experiences are my own and not representative of all sex workers.)

    You think sex workers will lose a debate over the right to do with their body as they please. That’s a sad attitude for a feminist(?) to have. It’s a comment on your attitude, not a comment on sex work.

    And by the way, the post title was a comment on the perception of feminists, which you’d know if you actually read the piece.

    But to help you out, here are two bits I’d like you to read again:
    “Today’s feminists rail against prostitution. They reduce women to their orifices and make judgments based on sexual activity – the exact same crime they accuse all men of doing to them. I fail to see the difference. One person who bases my value as a woman on my baby-making abilities and purity is pretty much the same as any other person who does – regardless of gender.”

    “All prostitutes just lie there and think of England. God knows a woman cannot actively make choices in her own sexual activity, nor does she take any pleasure in it. Once someone pays her, all thoughts just go out of her tiny little brain (smaller than a man’s or a feminist’s brain, of course) and she becomes a vegetable-like victim, coming to life only when she’s been “rescued.” As long as she accepts money for her femininity, anything she says cannot be taken seriously. It’s common knowledge that she doesn’t know her own mind in a situation like that.”

    But I’m glad you agree sex is not degrading. And if is not, then money does not change that.

    XX

  14. There is a long-standing aversion to the idea of buying and selling people.

    well, at least 150-200 years, more or less, in North America, coastal Europe and West Africa at least…as compared to some several thousands of years where, globally speaking, buying and selling people was sorta, well, normal.

    so “long standing” might be a matter of perspective.

    which is to say nothing of folks who are trafficked for not-specifically-sexual purposes, who are sold for cheap manual labor, farm work, manufacturing or non-sexual domestic work. some folks have no aversion to buying and selling people for those purposes, even here in the 21st century.

  15. Are you trying to say trafficking is normal, so get used to it? If so, then no.

  16. Murder is older than prostitution and I don’t see anyone rushing to legalize that and collect taxes from it!

  17. Are you trying to say trafficking is normal, so get used to it? If so, then no.

    no, I’m trying to say that the slave trade is wider-ranging than we all think, both historically and functionally.

    I also think that even with an official worldwide end to prostitution, trafficking would still exist.

    which may be something of a side issue, I guess (if you’re not the person being sold to a farm, factory or private home).

  18. Jody- How exactly are prostitution and murder the same? That is totally sick.

    Also, open question to the abolitionists: Are you just as fervent about ending the trafficking of human beings into non-sexual services such as farm work? I hope so because it would make your argument that you are concerned about the women and the forced labor all the more valid. Because, really, is forced labor any different if you’re forced to harvest lettuce than if you’re forced to do sex?

  19. Why is sex degrading only for women?:

    I’ve long complained that men are the bigger victims in prostitution and in strip clubs. After all, both men are women are used in these transactions, but the men end up getting fleeced in the process. I’m not talking about the Sugar Daddies, of course, but the average working joe who spend their whole paychecks at these places or with prostitutes and leave with nothing show for it. One might argue that these men deserve such treatment, but certainly the family that gets hurt is truly a victim in all of this. I agree with you that women are no more degraded than men, though I sense you mean to say that no one is degraded at all.

    Women as receptacles

    I’m afraid you are building a straw-man argument here. No one is saying that sperm is garbage and also sacred. Those are different arguments to be addressed independently. The real argument is that sperm, and more broadly, sex, is sacred and men often treat it as trash. This is, literally, degradation. That is to say, such men (and women) de-grade sex from a sacred act to a profane one. The shearing off of love from sex is the problem you are hoping to avoid in this post. When sex is lower in status than love, it has literally dropped a few grades…hence, de-graded.

    Now, I happen to believe that prostitution (since it is a victimless crime) should not be illegal. We, as private citizens should be able to make our own choices for good or ill. I’m not against your overall position in that sense. I do, however, think that your mischaracterization stems from the fact that you don’t understand the opposing arguments at all. Perhaps this is intentional misdirection, and perhaps you simply have never considered the opposing arguments with eye toward understanding.

    Either way, it is important to “know you enemy” if you hope to lobby for change.

  20. What?

  21. Josie – finally, I agree with you about something …

    What???

  22. Aspasia writes:

    Because, really, is forced labor any different if you’re forced to harvest lettuce than if you’re forced to do sex?

    Well, now even I’d concede the point that forced sexual labor is especially heinous, since it means that said sex slave is essentially being raped, continuously. Where I have a problem with the prostitution abolitionists is they think sex work is always in some way coerced and always a kind of rape, even when not forced.

    And you do have a good point about highly exploited or forced non-sexual labor. The fact that abolitionists seem to ignore even the worst forms of non-sexual labor and human trafficking while grandiosely calling for a total ban on even the most benign forms of sexual labor really make me wonder what the hell their real issues are.

  23. So, Rico, prostitution is unfair to men, but should be legal becuase it is victimless. Please sit down with a fine glass of whatever you drink and contemplate that completely contradictory statement.

    Also…what the fuck are you talking about with whole sperm thing? You totally lost me there.

  24. Josie,

    Just because you’re lost doesn’t mean you have to get mad. Read it again until you understand. Other people have, you can too.

    Rico,

    This was not a direct-rebuttal piece. This was an essay based on my experiences and observations. That’s all.

    The woman-as-receptacle comment is one I hear over and over again, even from my own mother. It seems the word “receptacle” with reference to prostitution (or promiscuity) is thought of as interchangable with “garbage can.” So if the woman is viewed as being place to put waste, well, then the man must be producing waste.

    Taking love out of sex does not degrade the people having sex. At least it doesn’t for the men in this society. Why should it degrade women who have sex outside of love? Many of feminists seem to feel that all sex is degrading, not just commercial sex. That’s the real issue I was contemplating. The whole love/sex issue would be another post altogether.

    XX

  25. Josie: The whole sperm thing was a response to the original post. You might want to read that original post more carefully. On the victimless crime issue, I should be more specific (my bad): A victimless crime is one where both parties consent. I believe prostitution to quite harmful to everyone involved, I just don’t think the state should have the power to make that decision for us. You have to make a distinction between governing power and individual moral choices. I’m sorry if I have been less than transparent.

    Amanda: The word “receptacle” references the whole notion that the man’s sperm is TREATED as garbage, when it is REALLY sacred. That’s the notion, anyway. Nobody means to say that they actually think sperm is garbage…quite the opposite. Does that make sense? The religious argument (mostly Catholic, really), whether it is true or not, is at least internally consistent.

    I agree with you wholeheartedly that there is a trend in the feminist movement to distrust sex altogether. I can tell you why many think that sex without love is a degraded form of sex, but I really think that only the cynical would tell you that loveless sex is on par with the loving kind.

    That doesn’t mean loveless sex has no value (I’d be a hypocrite to say it), just that its value is literally de-graded…which is to say, of lesser value than the real deal.

    If you accept that premise, then it is a short jump to then conclude that people who do limit their sexual activities to loving ones end up in much more fulfilling relationships. This is the best argument for monogamy that I have ever heard.

  26. What if you dont love anyone, but like a lot of people or love more than one person?

    Rico – you didnt write a book called “When Sex Isn’t Just Sex,” did you?

  27. “The real argument is that sperm, and more broadly, sex, is sacred and men often treat it as trash. This is, literally, degradation. That is to say, such men (and women) de-grade sex from a sacred act to a profane one. The shearing off of love from sex is the problem you are hoping to avoid in this post. When sex is lower in status than love, it has literally dropped a few grades…hence, de-graded.”

    Trash? Seriously?

    This blanket statement of men’s feelings over their own sperm is assumptive and ignorant.

    No one has any idea how the next man feels about his own ejaculation. There are millions of scenarios that may produce feelings of shame, ecstasy, youth, vitality, embarrassment, ego, lust, contentment, guilt-and that’s just musings on masturbation.

    Love has not much to do with sex in this day and age, and to scapegoats prostitutes is oh-so easy isn’t it? Sometimes I feel sex workers are the only people who don’t live in the thick denial of our favorite cultural myths surrounding love. Funny thing though… their own relationships within the context of love are the strongest I know. Hmmm.

    I can only contend that the author who agrees with women being treated as receptacles is mirroring some innermost feeling. Usually people attach their own conceptions when speaking about “theories” that they have no first hand knowledge of. They disregard the voices of those that do for the sake of some loud voice inside telling them what they perceive to be truth.

    And THAT, my love, is trash.

  28. Rico,

    I don’t think anyone feels a man’s sperm is really garbage. My problem is with the perception that a woman having sex with a man means she’s a toilet/receptacle (assuming the sex isn’t for “love” or baby-making). One cannot be a so-called waste-dump without waste being dumped in it. If one believes the whole receptacle thing, then one MUST believe that only trash is going into it. This seems to be one of the underlying beliefs of the double-standard of sex.

    This gets off the point entirely, but it’s complete hogwash that the most sexually/emotionally -fufilling relationships are monogamous ones. Every person is wired differently and monogamy does not suit everyone. The most fulfilling relationship is the one that fufills the needs of the people involved. Period. Doesn’t matter how that relationship is structured — if they’re happy, then it works.

    XX

  29. […] impossible to choose a blockquote representative of the whole. But Amanda really nails it with this post, so I give you the following quotage: Today’s feminists rail against prostitution. They […]

  30. I should add…

    If one believes that a man’s sperm is not waste and is a normal, natural thing (or even sacred), then one CANNOT also believe that the woman having sex is somehow devalued by him. Sex cannot be a degrading act.

    If sex is not degrading, adding money to the equation does not change the effects of sex. Adding societal baggage to the equation does.

    XX

  31. Amanda,

    I think the point is that a casual approach to sex treats the sperm as trash. The religious argument maintains that one should not treat sex as though it were trash and so a woman should not act as though she is merely a receptacle, as it were, since she is (according to the argument) so much more.

    On degradation: I agree 100% that sex is not degrading. I think even Saint Aquinas would tell you that sex is a noble and sacred act. It isn’t the sex that is bad, it is the absence of love. The sex, in and of itself (even though love may be missing) isn’t what is degrading. Sex is great. I think we can all agree on that, whatever else we disagree about.

    I must vehemently disagree that “adding money to the equation” doesn’t change anything. The sex may be just as enjoyable in a recreational sense, but it can lack meaning.

    Forgive me for a moment if I personalize this: We all know that certain emotional bonding can occur as a result of sex. When sex is a profession, you have to watch out for that. Some prostitutes don’t want to kiss for that very reason. Many Johns fall in love and sometimes the prostitute does, as well. What do you do with that? Is that merely the “societal baggage” to which you refer? I think the baggage goes much further back than society. It’s Darwinian. We evolved to feeling emotional beings long before we developed rational ones. Asking ourselves to suddenly divorce emotion (especially something as powerful as love) from the sexual act takes a toll on the psyche. That’s no reason to outlaw the practice, as I have explained before, but it is a reason to take a sober look at all of its effects.

    By the way, if love is societal baggage, then pack my bags, baby! I’ll take it carry-on.

    OO

  32. kitteninfinite,

    I think you may have misread my post. I never said that most men feel that way. In fact, I agree with you that the vast, vast majority of men care not one whit for their sperm. I was just explaining one very narrow and Catholic viewpoint. By the way, the view is not my own. Every sperm is not sacred to me. I was simply explaining one religious point of view on the topic. I happen to be okay with non-procreative sex.

  33. Daddy Mention,

    I have never written a book. Sorry.

    As for loving more than one person. It certainly is possible (just watch Big Love on HBO) to love and have sex with more than one person. It is far more complicated (Does everyone in, say, a group 3 love each other? The bigger numbers get extremely complex), but it can happen.

  34. I only saw big love once and got bored, so i cant really comment on it.

    any relationship can get complicated – monogamous or not. My current situation is a primary partner and we both have several other lovers. It is very natural and i have never trusted anyone more than my partner.

    I think people should engage in relationships that suit them. For some it’s monogamy, for others it isnt. I have sex with people I dont love (in the traditional sense) and it is a hell of a lot of fun. Love isnt required for good sex, but I agree that it can make it better.

  35. The word I see thrown around a lot is “cumdumpster”, lately; somehow, that does not strike me as having the remotest possibility of anything resembling a respectful attitude towards anyone’s sexuality, male, female, or other.

    Talk about crazed objectification, though, referring to women who do sex work as trash containers for discarded semen. I’m a bit picky when it comes to political language compared to some, but I don’t see how anyone who has basic human respect for another person could use that sort of terminology. Even things like ‘pig’ (and other, worse language) at least grant that the other party is animate.

  36. Rico,

    All sex has meaning. Whether or not sex between two people has YOUR meaning is irrelevant. It’s their business, not yours. And if the sex suits them, then what does it matter? If money is involved, what does it matter?

    I don’t consider love to be societal baggage, but the silly expectations of love certainly are. The whole original post is about societal baggage. That impacts sex far more than any feelings of love (which are almost always feelings of lust that get misinterpreted).

    XX

  37. Amanda,

    Agreed. All sex has meaning. I even agree that sex without love still has value. I think the one point where we disagree is that I think sex with love is better.

    Now, if sex with love is better, then, given a choice, I would rather have the better thing. That so, I strive for loving relationships. Does that mean I’d turn down a roll in the hey with an attractive woman with whom I have nothing in common? No, probably not. Does it mean I’d turn down that roll in the hey if I was already in a committed relationship? Yes, because one is definitely better than the other, IMO.

    I’m not saying everyone must be like me. I have already advocated you right to do as you please in this matter. I would legalize prostitution. I would not, however, advise it.

    By the way, my way is not the only way, but we all have to make judgments on such matters. I think that we (people) are more alike than we like to admit, at times. Our experiences are common, often universal. As such, I do happen to think that the need for love (and the corresponding desire for commitment) is universal, and not just “my” meaning.

    Having said that, it is, nevertheless, merely my opinion.

  38. Some food for thought:

    Prostitution/Paid companionship vs. a committed relationship and how they are strangely similar:

    Both often (but not always) result in physical, mental and/or emotional gratification for some or all parties involved.

    Both often involve verbal and non verbal communications to ensure a healthy and productive time in each others companionship.

    Both lead to financial solvency and/or renumeration of some sort. (Now I am sure a few are shaking their heads saying: “WHAT?!”)

    A married woman has throughout history had the following provided to her and for her:
    -A house
    -Food
    -Clothing
    -Incidentals
    -Financial renumeration to do with as she so chooses.

    A courtesan/prostitute/paid companion has throughout history been provided:
    -A house
    -Food
    -Clothing
    -Incidentals
    -Financial renumeration to do with as she so chooses.

    A spouse will often seduce the breadwinner and then head out to a shopping trip or even do those in reverse order. Don’t believe me? Ask around… I know when my married friends want something because their husbands are smiling for days!

    The only real differences are this:

    One has a certainty of multiple partners. One is suppose to not have multiple partners but this is less frequently the case.

    One is a covert and often subterfuge laden trip toward financial renumeration while the other is open, and honest in that trip toward financial renumeration.

    One allows you to grow together or apart as your relationship evolves, while the other allows personal growth and the possibility of growing together or apart with a regular clientèle.

    One is suppose to be the place where we find openness and acceptance sexually, yet it is often not the case. While the other provides that comfortable place to express ones sexuality in a safe manner.

    ———————–

    Now that I have your attention let me share with you some cold, hard facts:

    A young woman or man goes out and picks up a different person (or three) every night of the year. They are called a “slut” if female, a “stud” if male… And often times are very careless about safety. Yet society regards this person more highly than a person who is a sex professional?

    A sex professional provides safe contact with multiple partners, while regularly being tested and refraining from blatantly unsafe practice and THEY are the ones who are causing a blight on our society?

    Yes… That’s it! They must be… They are working at all times to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections and go out of their way to participate in safe, consenting activities… They MUST be responsible for the fall of our morality right?

    —————

    In the words of MY spousal unit:

    You take your car to a mechanic… But you’re willing to put your health and your body in the hands of an amature? I think not!

    —————

    Sex is in no way degrading.

    What is degrading is the lack of respect that some non-professionals have for their bodies when they preform unsafe activities.

    What is degrading is when we attempt to fool ourselves into thinking that a long term, legally binding contract such as marriage is so different from a short term, verbal contract for personal satisfaction when in reality… The only real difference comes down to honesty levels and the number of partners you KNOWINGLY have.

    Let us not forget that our spousal units can in fact (and often do) stray… If they do then you are going to want to pray to whatever higher power there is that they did so safely and preferably saw a professional who had enough regard for them self to keep you a bit safer than some average “bar fly” or “town bike”.

    —————-

    Rico… Having had the pleasure of experiencing sex with love vs. sex without… I can say that I agree. Mind you:

    I only agree because I met someone who makes my head spin, my heart ache just a little, and my world seem infinitely brighter. I do not refer to lust, or platonic love. I refer to that wild and crazy thing that happens only once in a while.

    I can tell you that heavy lust, with a strong dose of good chemistry is a very similar feeling though… And it comes with a heck of a lot less “work” to ensure a happy and healthy relationship.

    And Amanda is correct… The “in love” feeling is often just lust that is misinterpreted.

    I was fortunate enough to be “in lust” many times and it never, ever hurt like the real thing.

    S

  39. S,

    [waving my arms in the air] Preach it, sister! Amen!

    XX

  40. A,

    Some days I wonder if I should be asking to be a columnist here.

    *smile*

    S

  41. S,

    Find the Contact info on the left-hand side and write. Doesn’t hurt to ask.

    XX
    Amanda

  42. Amanda,

    I may just end up writing something…

    S

  43. thankyou Amanda for this post,Ive been a sex worker off and on for 30 years (started quite young)I dont feel degraded when I recieve a gratuity for providing a consensual service.I can honestly say that I’ve felt degraded in the past when a sex partner obtained my consent to sex under false pretenses…and even then,I acted in good faith.I feel as a sex worker that I am very grateful that I am valued for my body and my sexual skills! I’ve listened to woman lament over the fact that “all men want from me is sex.” My answer to that is”ThankGod they do….think of what it would be like if they didnt!!!”Not to say that if they subsequently treated me rudely or indifferent that I’d wouldnt find the conduct unacceptable…to the contrary…however I value the male libido as well as how I am treated.I dont believe one value cancels out the other…Women touting that men are somehow more sexual creatures than ourselves is interesting…If men are somehow more likely to have numerous partners ….well then who are the partners they are sleeping with????And lets face it….if the presence of a particular feeling is all that is required to make sex somehow more sacred therefore pure and acceptable….their were plenty of times when I was married that I didnt feel “love” and still provided sex.Partners engage in sex far after “love” has walked out the door in many instances…marriage partners stay a unit for many reasons outside of love for one another…finances and children being the first two that come to my mind .Does that make their sex more purely motivated?I think not….I feel very appreciated and VALUED by my clientele…nothing degrading about it!!!!Victoriavixen66

  44. Victoria — Glad you enjoyed this piece!

  45. I object to all buying and selling of humans against their will.
    I do not object to the buying or selling of services between consensual human beings.

  46. Very well said, Julian. Selling a consensual service does not mean selling people.

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