piss, pantyhose, and sweet stuff

It’s been a full week. But it’s keeping everyone in handkerchiefs so it’s a blessing. I’ve been thinking a lot about all the topics we’ve been discussing here, and having a rush of emotions alongside it.

I have had a very stong emotional reaction to the constant insistence by various parties that what I do cannot be genuinely real, or healing. It has been an underlying current in all the sessions I have had in the last few days, something that has been utterly present in my interactions with my clients, and I want to say a few words about what I have felt and thought during these moments. First, I’ll paint you a protrait of each of the clients I’ve seen in the last three days.

Friday and Sat evening I spent a few hours with a gentleman in the military. He is career, and lives very far away from here, but comes to my city on occasion. He is a lovely, gentle, man of color. I don’t know too much about his background, but he has erectile dysfunction, and focuses much more on giving than recieving because of it. I insisted that he let me work on him, and with the use of some yohimbe salve, made by a good friend of mine, and a lot of communication, he was able to achieve orgasm both nights.

Sunday I spent time with a young man with a chronic disease that makes him have some very peculiar physical characteristics. Some would call them unattractive, but I find them interesting, and beautiful in their own way. He is stuck on a past relationship in which his girlfriend would often have sex with him in a very specific outfit, with her clothes on. He leaves his clothes on, and so do I, and we spend two hours exploring his fetishes of closed toed pumps, and sundresses. We talk about fetish, and I know that we will see each other again, until he gets more comfortable, until he is able to process what he really wants to tell me.

Later Sunday, I saw Roger, a man in his late seventies who has had prostate cancer. He has had his prostate removed, and has a pump installed in his scrotum to get him hard. He’s a lovely, sweet old perv with a thing for golden showers (being pissed on) and nipple tweaking. We had a great time, I pissed on his cock while he masturbated and he told me how much fun he had. He brought me a case of oranges he’d just picked off the tree in his yard.

Monday, I saw a client who I have a very special arrangement with. He is not very well off, so he does work around the house for me, and pays me small amounts when he can. We have a connection deeper than I have ever experienced with a client. But I know very well that attempting a relationship on more conventional terms would not work. Our lives are too different. Taking our connection out of context would kill the beauty of it. Because he is my client, I am able to give him things that I never could in a relationship. I am able to be with him an a purely giving state, for a brief moment in time. This time, we stripped naked, and sat in meditation with each other, and then he wept in my arms for a long, long time. Few words were spoken, they weren’t important. But we leave each other with love and caring, even if we never see each other again.

Shortly thereafter, I met with Jeremy. He is in his mid-forties, and successful in his work life. He is good humoured, funny, and irreverant. He has taken the threat of heart disease seriously, and works out every day. We spend two hours together, as we usually do. I do some serious deep tissue work on his body, reflexology, and shiatsu. He breathes deep, and lets me tell him about the benefits of yoga. He is awakening his male g-spot, allowing me to access sexual energy that he has never been able to access before. He has the most incredible orgasms with me, while I massage his prostate.

Then there’s Brad. Atttractive and tall, in his mid thirties. An attorney from New York who has an armpit, foot, and spit fetish. I work out beforehand, so I’m nice and sweaty and stinky. I smother him with my armpits , ass and feet until he nearly vomits, make him suck all the sweat off my hairy pits. I tie him up with my pantyhose and fuck him with a strap-on, with his legs in the air while I spit all over him.  I piss in his mouth and force him to drink it while he gags.  He loves it. He says it is the best session he, and maybe anyone, has ever had.

Point is, I am good at what I do. I have studied sexuality in all its forms for many years. I am comfortable with all sorts of fetishes, I am nearly impossible to shock. I am able to state my boundaries, and tell people when they’re being inappropriate, when they need counseling, when they should look elsewhere for sexual gratification. But not only am I afforded no recognition as an expert in my field, I am derided at every turn for being unaware, used, abused, taken advantage of, misguided, or insane.

Tell me, all you detractors, which one of you would sleep with an eighty year old man with a piss fetish for free? Would you truly allow him to explore your body, and enjoy it, if you weren’t getting paid for it? Where will he find a woman to explore his fantasies with, before he dies? He has survived cancer, and many other things…would you deny him sexual affection in his last years here on earth?

My job is not just about sex and fantasy. It is about creating a haven. A sanctuary. I hold a place in the world for disparate and secret desires. Not dysfunctional or abusive desires, just desires that are at odds with the society that we have created.

In a perfect world, I would not be a necessity. Access to sex and sexual healing would not be based on physical appearance, economic success, or youth, but the content of one’s character. But we do not live in a perfect world, and therefore I create the space to make people feel beautiful.

Yes. We should be confronting these constructs of gender, ability, size, etc. But who among you would do it for free? The visceral, but necessary work of fucking for freedom? Until you can truly say that you have grown your sexual attraction beyond the scope of the physical body, cast no stones.

I DO help my clients. I help them understand, process, and address their desire, need, and privilege. I do not let them get away with things based on privilege. I operate with a sliding scale fee. I teach them how to be better people, and they teach me. It is not always great, but it is always useful.

thinking of you,

surgeon

More commentary- pay attention, 007!

More from my lawyer friend:

On the surface the fed’s case against Ms. Palfrey mirrors in many ways another federal prosecution in Louisiana back in the 1990s. The escort service owner, Sylvia Landry, was charged with running an interstate prostitution ring and transporting women, including minors, across state lines to engage in prostitution. Rumor had it that she got caught in the middle of a political corruption investigation of the governor’s office, and the feds hoped to squeeze her into rolling over on some highly placed politicians. She refused to do so, went to trial, was convicted, and received a six year jail sentence. She committed suicide in custody, without ever giving up her client list. The U.S. Attorney (a Clinton appointee), who brought the full weight of the federal government down on her, ended up with egg on his face. Here’s the story:

“Baton Rouge sits in the heart of Cajun country and is also the centre of state politics. Louisiana politicians are notorious for not letting work get in the way of a good time.

In 1992, Sylvia Landry opened three escort services: Dial-a-Date, Cosmopolitan and Charlie’s Angels. As her client list expanded, Landry’s reputation gained her notoriety and attention in the Bayou state. By 1994, she was earning half a million dollars a year in net profits, with her client list rumoured to reach as high up as the Governor’s mansion and perhaps even as far as Washington, DC.

Within two years, Landry’s high-profile business ventures landed her in jail. She was arrested and charged with pandering and enticing women into prostitution, including the transportation of minors over state lines for these purposes. But Sylvia Landry was confident that her high-profile clients would pull the necessary strings to keep her out of jail.

Under pressure from authorities, a few of Landry’s girls testified against her and her antagonistic attitude certainly didn’t help matters. Through it all, Landry refused to turn over her client list. Some in Baton Rouge admired her defiance whilst others pushed for a local ordinance banning escort services. The case seemed to rip the city down the middle.

Landry was convicted on all counts and sentenced to six years in federal prison. She pleaded no contest to the state charges and was sent to serve her sentence in Texas. However, she escaped as soon as she arrived at the federal pen in Bryan, Texas. Three days later, Landry was apprehended less than three miles from the prison.

Whilst waiting for the transfer of Landry to a maximum security facility in Kansas, authorities found the Baton Rouge Madame dead in her jail cell, hanging from a homemade noose fashioned out of a bed sheet and attached to the smoke detector fixture in her cell.

Landry’s death was officially ruled a suicide, but around Baton Rouge, many people thought she had been murdered at the behest of some of her more powerful clients. As none of her employees or her clients were ever prosecuted, many Baton Rouge residents still claim that Sylvia Landry was the only victim in an otherwise victimless crime.”

Police Officer, CSI, SWAT Member Gets Year in Federal Prison for Brothel Exploitation

This is true exploitation:

A former Sunnyvale police officer was sentenced today to a year and a day in federal prison for helping two brothels avoid police raids, find fleeing prostitutes and collect tens of thousands of dollars in bogus immigration fees from employees who were illegal immigrants.

David Lee Miller Jr., 43, a former crime scene investigator, defensive tactics instructor and longtime SWAT team member with the Sunnyvale Department of Public Safety, pleaded guilty in January 2005 to two counts of conspiracy to commit extortion.

At a hearing today in San Jose, when U.S. District Judge James Ware asked Miller whether he had anything to say, he said in a barely audible voice, “I think I’ll be sick if I talk.” Miller declined comment afterward. Miller was arrested as part of a scheme to smuggle women from Korea to the United States, charge them tens of thousands of dollars for the trip and then force them to work as prostitutes at the two South Bay brothels until the debt was repaid.

It’s obvious that with the current laws on prostitution and trafficking as they stand, law enforcement have the power to run our businesses — whether it’s “above the law” and they are putting us under surveillance, harassing us, and raiding us, or outside the law, as in this case, with law enforcement directly profiting from extortion and bribery.

It begs the question: even when police are charged with “protecting and serving” sex workers, they are in turn profiting off of our criminalization.

It’s no surprise that those most embedded in the system of controlling sex workers’ livelihoods — not pimps, but police — also take deep advantage of the power they have been given.

It’s about time more men joined in!

Fabulous site! Check out the guys here:

Papau

Not Worth Mentioning

What a surprise! ABC announced that the men of Ms. Palfrey’s black book are not worth mentioning. If this is not a big deal, then why do they keep arresting the women? Women are definitely to blame, enticing these poor innocent men into committing acts of prostitution. Men would never think of offering money to a women for a sex act. It is the women who thought this up.

The women who are sold to the highest bidder for marriage. Women who are traded by their parents for money. Women who are raped if they say no. Women who are paid less for their labor because of their gender.

Where do all these prostitutes get off? Didn’t they know that women don’t have sex drives? The men can’t help it, they were born horny. Women are for breeding.

When Ms. Palfrey writes her memoirs I am sure she will mention a few names not worth mentioning. Then we will be able to tell by the book sales just how much worth is in a name.

Alleged Madam Gets New Lawyer

From the Blog of Legal Times:

Deborah Jeane Palfrey was taking a chance by ditching the head of the Federal Public Defender’s office in favor of a court appointment from the private bar. But Judge Gladys Kessler has hooked her up with someone familiar with high-profile cases.

Preston Burton, a partner at Orrick, Herrington & Sutcliffe, was appointed to Palfrey’s case today. Burton is best known for his work on the defense team representing Monica Lewinsky in her dealings with Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr.

So Burton is good at making the government work for its conviction. But how will he deal with a client whose civil lawyer has tried to become intimately involved in the criminal case? Could prove interesting.

Loyalty and Lust

Feature Blogger Veronica Monet on the ethics of disclosure in the trial of alleged DC Madam, Deborah Jeane Palfrey.

Recently, I was soundly rebuffed by a group of angry Fraternity brothers during my lecture at a respected university in California. Their gripe? They were upset that I revealed that I had a few clerics for clients – ministers and rabbis in fact. I did not expect the reaction I got. I mistakenly thought they would be concerned to know that men who aggressively condemn sex outside of marriage were also frequenting prostitutes while they were married. This blatant hypocrisy was of no concern. However, the idea that I would talk about the hypocrisy WAS cause for concern and outrage.

This illustrates the double standard which is applied to clients in EVERY respect. It is as if they are considered to be the people who are “worthy” of protection and coddling – while the vilified sex worker is “asking for it.” Archaic beliefs come oozing out of the cracks at times like these and one old fashioned but still popular thought is that “poor men” can’t help themselves but those “evil sluts and whores” need to be punished for “tempting” the men. As long as the dominant culture promotes and protects the sexual double standard, our efforts to claim our rights will be impeded.

It amazes me that in this decade, we are still faced with the same sexual double standard which haunted our fore-mothers. But even more infuriating is the fact that many people – both men and women seem to believe that silence is a badge of honor. I know most of us learn to lie about the truth while we are being reared in dysfunctional families. Don’t ask, don’t tell applies to every facet of family life. This is why it is so easy to molest one’s own children and beat one’s spouse.

Our culture condemns “snitching” more than it condemns crime. In fact, a rapper recently interviewed on television proudly announced that he would NOT report a serial killer if he was living next door to him – because it violates his code of ethics: “never snitch.” Since when did reporting murder qualify as “snitching?” I thought the concept of “snitching” was akin to “honor among thieves.” But don’t you have to be a co-perpetrator to qualify as a “snitch.” Whatever, I find the whole business of bullying victims into silence revolting.

Of course an argument could be made that sex workers and their clients are co-conspirators in the crime of prostitution. And that might be one reason so many people are perturbed at the thought of a prostitute revealing who her clients are. But I think the issue runs deeper than that. One of the facts of life which makes prostitution available to clients while criminalizing the prostitute, is the knowledge that the prostitute will feel too fearful, shameful or otherwise disenfranchised to defend her/himself if a client turns state’s evidence.

But sex workers should not simply adhere to a given “code” because it has been an historical tradition. We should question everything. Why keep the clients’ secrets? Well, first and foremost it is good for business. If we can be trusted, we will obtain more clients and more money. That makes sense. Secondly, for those of us who care about our client’s welfare, it feels good and brings a great deal of “job satisfaction” to know you are adding to the well-being of others (your clients) and just maybe the world (sex is a great way to contribute to health and peace!). Certainly the ethic of confidentiality fits nicely into this idea of making the world a better place and practicing our profession with pride and integrity.

But the “code of silence” can be a form of collusion with the power structure and as political activists, we are driven by a higher calling than the blind loyalty extracted from the masses for membership in churches, corporations, clubs, gangs and even law enforcement. We must examine each situation for its individual merits and keep our priorities for human rights for sex workers foremost in mind.

Jean Palfrey, known as the DC Madam, has been the focus of many discussions about the ethics of confidentiality. Since the DC Madam did NOT reveal names until now, she has shown amazing restraint. I asked a journalist how long he would sit in jail to protect his sources – 30 days? 60 days? 90 days? One year? He choked of course, because few reporters are willing to spend one hour in jail to protect a source. Palfrey spent One and a half Years in prison and said nothing. It is only now that she risks being homeless and penniless that she is sending a powerful message to our nation’s capitol – back off or go down with me. I think that is not only fair but carries with it a political significance which is encouraging. If the “good ole boy network” realizes that we will NOT keep their secrets if they attempt to completely destroy us – perhaps they will think twice about attempting to annihilate us. And although that falls far short of our ultimate goal of decriminalization, it DOES open a door for dialog. No longer can the current power structure pretend that we don’t have enough pride in ourselves and our work to stand up for our right to be free, to make a living and to own property. These are simple human rights but nevertheless rights we still don’t have.

Once you have lost your ability to make money from your clients as Palfrey did over two years ago, the incentive to keep their secrets is severely diminished. Still most of us, her included, don’t rush to tell all. We have carefully built habits of secrecy which are hard to break and for good reason. One incentive I have to safeguard the secrets of my clients is that I value my life. Some of my clients are powerful and connected and might not take kindly to my indiscretions. But if I were so unfortunate as to find myself in Palfrey’s shoes, I would fight back with everything I have because there would be nothing else to lose.

When did self-preservation become a crime? Well, it isn’t if you are already powerful. But disenfranchised peoples have been consistently trained away from that most primal impulse. There should be no shame in fighting to survive. And if we are smart, we will use this moment in history to move forward with power and purpose for ALL the rights we sex workers are owed – not just mere survival.